Telemarketers are God's way of telling you to get caller ID.

Happy Birthday
Tony!

A message on my answering machine tonight was from a man saying we had worked on his Sony television. "Now it only shows a picture on channel 3," he says. "What am I supposed to do? (he pauses) I guess I'll wait for you to give me a call."

In a bizarre twist of fate, I hold a man's tv viewing life in my hands and the time he could be spending watching TNT is ticking away all because he dialed the wrong phone number.

I could call him back, say "You've got the wrong people, buddy. Try again." Or I could let him ponder his problem, get sick of watching Friends reruns and decide to read a book...

Mmmhm. Bizarre.

Good stuff here.
Think I've forgotten how to have fun with my head like this.
Case in point...

In five minutes, I'll be 90 years old and wondering where my life has gone.

That is, if I make it past the inevitable cancers and defects and issues my family likes to keep around.

It's almost the end of June. Where the hell did March go?

Alcohol strips away all the crap and reveals who we really are.
Angry. Sad. Joyful. Obnoxious.

It doesn't lie.
And tonight, it's just me and myself. Sad and unsober.

Have I mentioned that I love Mark Morford?
Enough With Reagan Already by Mark Morford

Quick thoughts about Reagan's funeral:

Best eulogy - the former Canadian Prime Minister
Best audience member - Bill Clinton, who was sleeping every time the camera found him.
Best thing I didn't get to see - Jimmy Carter, seated behind Dubya, wasted the opportunity to flick Georgie in the back of the head.... Ah... that would have been good.

It's not that I didn't like Reagan. Hell, I was a child of the man's administration. But there's something too false for me to bear in the way that death washes away a man's sins, the way saccharine eulogies gloss over quotes like "If you've seen one tree, you've seen 'em all" [Reagan's thoughts on the then endangered Redwood forest], the way we're all supposed to forget about things like trickle down economics and his unswerving dedication to the removal of welfare programs...

Sure, he was "charismatic," "jovial," "blahdeblah," but I can't help but cringe at the idea of everything we're forgetting in our sudden national memory loss...

Tourists are stupid. No, honestly.
Case in point:

Overheard at 4pm in the afternoon: "Aww, the breakfast buffet is only on the weekends."

While staring at a display of brochures: "Do you guys have any, ummm, brochures or anything?"

{And, drumroll please...}

On Lake Mead - in Nevada -: "So, will we be going past Niagra Falls on this tour?"

Oh yes. Pity me, friends. Pity me.

Hello and welcome to June.
Are you ready to rock, Vegas?

Woooooo!
Yeah.

One month and eight days until significant other becomes Officer significant other. Sure, he's happy about it, but...

(Sigh) My brain isn't quite yet awake.