Me. Home of the Contradictory Yearnings!

So here's me being a tool.

While in Chicago, Tony and I tagged along with Jimmy (the local) to the Double Door, home on several occasions to the sweet sounds of the Pumpkins [See photobooth Evidence A to left]. The place was divey, smoky, and dirty... and very cool. We were lucky enough to catch a decent band, Helicopters (think Death Cab and Postal Service getting frisky with each other), and we vowed on our return to Vegas to scout similar locales for weekend lounging.

It's a Sunday night, our common "Saturday night", as neither of us work on Mondays, and I'm reading bar reviews online (first sign of total tool). I've come across several glowing reviews of the Double Down Saloon, and well, the description on their website says it all:

Double Down Saloon has been described as interplanetary abstract. Urban decay. The Anti-Vegas. A clubhouse for the lunatic fringe.

DRINK * SMOKE * GAMBLE
WE NEVER CLOSE

Pool Tables. Pinball. Asteroids. Blondes, bums, hipsters, goth chicks, bohemians, punks, rockabilly greasers and regular joes. Touring bands and Hollywood types kicking back away from the tourists. Always expect the unexpected.

I'm at once thinking, "This is it!" and "I'm scared."

I've never been one of those hipsters, easy in a self-confident, fuck-you glare, able to drop obscure band names and mingle with any crowd. I wear polo shirts and listen to Rilo Kiley. And yet I'm drawn to the idea of this. ...My sad little wallflower-self yearning for something better, something dirty. Maybe we'll go.

More likely, we'll end up at Buffalo Wild Wings. Again.
Someone slap me.

Transport-ation.

I survived flight.
With only just a few tears and hesitations.

Chicago is another world. Another crowded, jumbled, slightly dirty, rich, intense, invigorating world. It makes Vegas feel like the place where your soul goes to die.

We were perusing shelves of first editions and rare books inside a tucked-away bookstore in an alley near Northwestern University when I overheard a bit of conversation that pretty much sums up the feeling Chicago gave me.

A short brown-haired girl in black frame glasses, orange and green scarf, and a plaid skirt grazing knee-high stockings walks past me toward the philosophy section with a boy in tow, his hair slightly mussed as if he'd just rolled out of his dorm room, wearing a tweed jacket, corduroys, and three days of stubble.

Girl (half-laughing and dragging the boy): I found more exciting volumes for your edification. Come here.
Boy (addressing another boy behind him while stepping over a stack of history tomes): Heh, okay. Let's go see what the punchline is.

I was floored. Who uses "edification" in daily conversation?

More, with visual aids, later.

Air born.

Just over six hours and counting until I climb into a metal tube and rise thousands of miles above the ground.

Before you start telling me...

Flying is fun!
Hundreds of flights land safely everyday.
You're much more likely to die in an automobile accident.

...I've heard it.
And yeah, I'm sure that's all very true, but I'm also sure the nervous fliers on flight 587 heard the same thing.

Instructions in the event of my death:

1) You'll know I'm dead if I fail to post here on the 14th upon my return, or if you've noticed a bit more burning rubble on the news than usual, or if you're my family and have begun wondering why I haven't called.

2) If the above conditions apply, please...

a) Family: Take care of my cats. Do NOT take them to a shelter. I will pull a serious poltergeist on your asses.

b) Friends: Feel free to canonize me. You know, praise me all you want and just ignore the fact that I ever had ANY bad qualities. In death, everyone is perfect. Oh oh, and get a good band to play at my funeral.

c) Enemies: Enjoy.

3) Someone please call work for me and let them know I won’t be in.

Okay, I think that about covers it.
Either I'll see ya later... or I won't.

You know you're from Vegas if...

Lifted and modified from elsewhere online, and mostly true.

1. You have no idea what a scarf does but think it looks good.
2. You know how to get to any casino on the strip without taking Las Vegas Blvd.
3. You can now predict where construction signs will be misleadingly placed.
4. You accept the fact that stop signs and red lights mean very little to tourists.
5. You become nocturnal between the months of April to October.
6. You know the seasons: Really hot, 2 weeks of nice, not so hot, 2 weeks of nice.
7. When you go to different cities, you're amazed things aren't open after 9 pm.
8. It doesn't faze you to see slot machines in grocery stores.
9. You have no idea how a lottery works.
10. What the hell is last call?
11. Your most prized possession as a Nevadan is your blue and white license plate.
12. You know the spaghetti bowl has nothing to do with food and you want nothing to do with it.
13. You know never to merge right when driving north on I-15; it'll just end anyway.
14. You think a well-organized pile of rocks can be a nice lawn.
15. Snowfall only happens on TV.
16. The term Lake Las Vegas doesn't seem problematic in the slightest.
17. You need to walk through a casino to see a movie.
18. You can spot a tourist from 3 miles away.
19. Limos are an everyday sighting.
30. You laugh at people taking pictures in front of the welcome sign.
31. You don't own an umbrella.
32. Sixty degrees is cold enough to wear a jacket.
33. You can wear shorts in the winter.
34. You get bored in the Entertainment Capital of the World.
35. You've never had to pay for parking.
36. You are outraged to pay more than 9.99 for prime rib and a lobster tail.
37. You've forgotten what rain looks like.